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Kilsa
& the Vikings
The Tale of Kilsa & the
Vikings's comes to us from the collected stories of the MacThoy
in the tome Gesta Mochthos. This was complied by
Hell Louise Van Gelt
after her voyage to the Isle of Lude to review the texts kept
there at the
Abbey of
Lost Wages.
The
story is from the life an
Kilsa
the Off-Key, a MacThoy Widow living at the time of
William the
Conqueror. One of her adventures-- which is also
corroborated by the
Hystorica
Calamitatum-- tells of her thwarting a
Viking invasion.
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A
section from an Illuminated manuscript created at the
Abbey of Lost Wages. It depicts Kilsa's encounter
with the Vikings. |
The Vikings, hungry for
revenge on the MacThoy who had made a fool out of them, tracked
down Kilsa and her band. They caught her on the way
to the loo and challenged her to
another contest with a wager of double of nothing.
Kilsa was
sagacious enough to realize that they hadn't had time to restock
their ship and refused the bet. They persisted, wagering half
their armor on a dice game. They should have known better than to trust Kilsa's
die. She won their armor, and went to the loo,
leaving the invaders stewing
in their juices.
The tale proceeds in this fashion with the
Vikings stopping and challenging her each night and Kilsa
outwitting them with another game of chance.
At the conclusion of
the fourth evening of gaming, several of the invading hosts most
valuable warriors have become Kilsa's personal cabana boys.
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In the mean time,
word had spread that the MacThoy were in the area.
Several of the local Eorls & Thanes took it upon themselves to
drive the menace off. This task was usually pretty simply
as the MacThoy were never looking for trouble, so the lairds
only took a small group of soldiers and set off to find them.
The leader of the Viking
host had had enough of the youth continually tricking them.
He and his remaining most trusted warriors schemed at length for a
trap they could set for her.
On the
fifth night they
sought out Kilsa, on her usual journey to the privy--which she
was beginning to find annoying.
The Viking
chief
proposed one final contest to which the
young lass heartily agreed. The
leader pointed to the many corks that her
family left strewn on the ground and
offered to pick a light colored one and a
dark one.
If she picked the
light one, she would get the remainder of their possessions and
they would never molest her or hers again. If she picked the
dark one, they get everything back and she comes with them.
Desperate for the loo, she agreed. The leader collected
the corks and Kilsa glimpsed him selecting two dark ones.
Knowing the fix was in, Kilsa searched for an escape.
The corks were placed
into a sack and she was commanded to choose. Kilsa dropped her
hand in the bag and pulled forth a cork. Before she opened
her hand, a cry went up.
It was the thanes
coming to run the MacThoy off. They were much surprised to
find a Viking host instead. In the confusion, Kilsa dropped
the cork.
Several of the
Vikings claimed they saw it fall and what color it was.
Kilsa will have none of it. She told the warriors the
easiest way to settle it is to remove the remaining cork.
Obviously the one she dropped was the other color.
The Thanes are upon
them then. Kilsa ducks off for the loo leaving the Vikings
screaming invectives delighted to find something to work their frustration out
on. And true to their word, this Viking crew left the MacThoy
alone. |
