There is no
cure for the hangover, save death.
-- Robert Benchley
was found lying on the side of the road
comatose from bad liquor, the body was laid out in the
den. The Clan would eat and drink while waiting to see if they would wake. Hence the custom of
holding a "wake."
Hangover cures have gone
through many forms over the ages. Here are a few of
the that Hell Louise mentions. Being a living book,
Bandy Legs MacThoy has contacted her directly complied some remedies.
Bloody Mary-- 1 oz.
vodka 2 oz. tomato juice, chilled, dash Worcestershire
sauce, dash Tabasco salt, celery salt, black pepper,
lemon or lime hake well and pour over ice.
Oyster-- egg yolk into a wine or cocktail glass
add Worcestershire sauce,
celery, salt, black pepper. To be consumed as a shot.
Bastard--jigger of brandy, jigger of gin, jigger of
lime juice, dashes bitters, with ice, ginger ale and fresh mint.
Fields Martini--1 part vermouth, 4 parts gin and one olive.
To be taken round the clock.
Legs Special--H20 consumed in equal to or greater
than the volume of beer BEFORE retiring. A sandwich on
top of that never hurts.
(Note: this tactic may
require more water for higher-quality beer.
Warning: this method has not been scientifically
tested in cases of hard alcohol or wine
consumption, and chunks may result.)
Old Standby-- Have another beer upon waking.
Consecutive beers may be added.
this cure is effective only in the safety of Camp, home,
etc. You will not be driving or going to work.
Ultimately, you'll need to find another cure. A footnote:
Grease (one or two-litre bottles of Carlo Rossi) should
not be considered a natural or valid beverage of the
Clan, as it has historically been abused and not poured
into smaller drinking vessels. He or she who chooses to
partake of this horrid abomination deserves to have a
hangover. Additionally, anyone who chooses to consume
half a bottle of such drink and then proceed to
replace the empty space with beer in that same
bottle, deserves to have his/her vomit-covered
boots photographed while the resulting hangover is
Kingsley Amis, in his book On Drink, points out that if
"you do not feel bloody awful after a hefty
night then you are still drunk, and must sober up in a
waking state before hangover dawns."
Among his lengthy list of hangover
treatments, he recommends that upon
If your wife or other partner is beside
you, and (of course) is willing, perform
the sexual act as vigorously as you can.
. . .If you
are in bed with somebody you should not be in bed
with, and have in the least degree a bad
conscience about this, abstain. Guilt and shame
are prominent constituents of the Metaphysical
Hangover, and will certainly be sharpened by
indulgence on such an occasion.
For the same
generic reason, do not take the matter into your own hands
if you awake by yourself. . . . (T)he reason why
so many professional artists drink a lot is not
necessarily very much to do with the artistic temperament,
etc. It is simply that they can afford to, because
they can normally take a large part of a day off to deal
with the ravages.
Mango Kevi Suuk' Suuk--
I have a double shot, double chocolate mocha.
Beer with lunch helps as well. Just not both at
the same time.
shot of whiskey on an empty stomach and then three
chili dogs!!!! The magic combination of grease,
fiber, carcinogens, mechanically separated pork
and turkey, and chili spices make all the bad
things go away. Plus, if it happens to come back
up, it is soft enough not to hurt your throat If these are not
available then plan B is a Spanish coffee.
Bandy Legs -the hair
of the Dog can be a little different at these
gatherings than home remedies. Refrigeration is
not always guaranteed, and the nearest store is
However, after, 3
years of practice, I'm finding that the following
works for me:
1. Keep a medium
Gatorade in the entrance of your tent, and slam it
just before passing out around 4 in the morning.
2. Upon waking, eat a
vitamin C chewable, a daily multivitamin, and slam
a Mike's Hard Lemonade.
3. Fill drinking
vessel with champagne or beer (whichever is
coldest) and nurse for 1 hour.
4. FUCK BREAKFAST,
but nibble off other peoples' food for the next 3
hours. Killian's Survivors' Breakfast is the
exception, but one may easily call that "lunch",
if not an early dinner.
5. Enjoy the rest of
Ah-Pook --treat all
instances of sleep as "a nap"--a brief
interruption of the drinking process. This said,
however, there are a number of libations that
function particularly well post-nap.
1. Healthy. Bloody
Mary. Salad in a glass, hot enough to purge the
bowels and sharpen the mind (if only for a
behavior. Simply continue drinking beer.
3. The real dog. A
Greyhound; gin and grapefruit juice. Particularly
welcomed with a greasy feta omelet and hash
4. Round heel's
Revenge. Tastes like apple juice, but it is really
our friend against the dog barking at your liver.
If all else fails,
Rusty Nails and/or Jameson's and Guinness will
sustain you while knitting a liver cozy.
Siren-- Sip on
Champagne and Spanish coffee while you pretend to
sleep and when that fails at 6 :45 have a shot o
whiskey with a chocolate covered espresso bean.
Gin and Gatorade
Juice till you can smell again.
A very small feta and
chili dog omelet for lunch, serve with a Bloody
Mary and hash browns and a beer back.
Killian Flynn -- I
like the small packets of "Emergence C" the one
that gives you a weeks worth of all your vitamins,
minerals, etc. Dump two of those babies in my
glass and fill with champagne and within the hour
I'm as right as rain.
Sessidi--last time I
was in Australia I brought back a butt load of
Berroca - an effervescent tablet that is tons of B
Red Raven Bootchucker
packets "Emergen-C" in a quart of Gatorade, at
least 3 Super B Complex multi-vitamins, and a half
gallon of V-8. Take the pills when
you slam the Gatorade, and then nurse the V-8. It
usually has me feeling better within an hour...